Behind the Black.

"your life is in motion. keep it going cause you'll never know which crazy direction life will take you. go on the journey and enjoy every minute of it." - L

you said those words to me, so long ago.
i had to dig through piles and piles to find that page.
with all the scribbling. the conversations held by your handwriting.
papers scattered every which way.
drawings and notes and pictures.
everywhere i look, there's a reminder.

four years.
four long, crazy, destructive, repairing, loving years.
filled with moments of frustration,
moments of laughter,
moments of seriousness,
and moments of complete confusion.
complete disaster.
a disaster that apparently became too large. too massive to control.
and in the end, it destroyed.
and left nothing to be fixed.

"you're my best friend. you support me and love me. you make good choices even when it's hard. you don't want to wrong yourself too badly. i love you!"

i didn't make the good choice when it counted.
i've wronged myself, and you, too many times.
there's no excuse.
there's no apology, because i know,
it won't be enough.

time will tell the future.
none of us can expect, because we always receive the unexpected.
life throws us curve balls.
and we have no idea how we can catch it,
without going through pain.
through heartache.

distinctly through the halls, there was many rooms. rooms of the mind, cluttered and filled with memories. there was a hallway, completely dedicated to L+E.
the doors were shut closed. i walked by noticing the titles of each, smiling but still troubled to know that they weren't open. and that they were painted black.

behind the black there was so much.
waiting in line to see a stupid twilight movie at midnight.
dressing up as strawberry shortcake girls at halloween.
watching cloudy with a chance of meatballs with B, then going nuts, acting like cats.
interesting nights at K's house.
sitting on the couch at W, laughing so hard with the people around us.
engaging conversations about silly crushes.
states away, still video-chatting on christmas day.
dancing in the kitchen, making cake.
crying in the moonlight, and hugging until it stops.
and laughing until we almost died.

the faith you have inspires me
the hope you have defines me
the love you have confines me

i suffer no more because of you
i open up more because of you

you help me grow
and i to you.

saddens and darkness are gone
for you have brightened my life.

with love and light,
eve morgan