Follow Through.

i came to terms today.
to my friends, to my family, and to myself.
there's no point in wasting time in something that is invisible.
that isn't present.
that isn't yours.

on the first day of IC and yet another night at W,
i made a realization.
things really change.
yet the past is still with you wherever you go.
and you just have to accept it.
for all of it.

i look back on my experiences,
and notice that my life is not even beginning.
not yet.
but soon.
maybe in the following years, all the faces i know will disappear.
maybe some from the old will reappear.
only time will tell.

another thing i notice is that music reminds me of A.
never did before.
until i heard "let's make music again."
all my pain from the past lifted a little,
squeezing me through.
like Indiana Jones grabbing at his hat.
i want to grab at her again.

it's awfully silly to freak out about lack of speech.
lack of communication.
when you yourself know that effort hasn't been made back.
it's the same both ways.
i keep reminding myself:
"you need to change that, Eve."

"Be the Change."

it's time to change some things.
my lifestyle should be one of them.
my habits.
my situations.
my feelings.
all i need is a good kick.
then i'll be able to accomplish,
to know what i want,
and how i'm gonna get it.

one day i had needed a walk.
if you've ever felt that, you would know.
i heard something that they believed to be true.
now i'm starting to believe it, too.
"mother nature's always got our back."

go back to the basics.
i remind myself that day in and day out.
so i'm going to travel, and for the first time, backwards.
to where everything was simpler.
and i wouldn't have to deal with "this."
or anything.

i would just be Eve.

Sometimes I wonder where I've been,
do I fit in,
I may not win but I will not be thrown,
Out Here On My Own.

i'm on my own.
even alone, though,
i think i'll find what i need.

with love and light,
eve morgan