Night and Day.

two years ago.
seems like forever ago if i think about it.
i was fifteen.
just becoming a sophomore in high school.
it was still a scary place to me.
i was just starting out.

two years ago.
there were a lot of problems.
decisions and choices didn't feel like they were mine.
still going through self-doubt.
a personality crisis.

a lot of hardships.
a lot of problems, that even now, seem minuscule.
again, i was around fifteen.
back then, i thought i knew everything.

and when it happened, when it began...
i was lost.
confused, left wondering, how i didn't see it coming.
it blindsided me. it took me from behind, and enveloped me into a place.
someplace dark.
and no matter how hard i tried,
the door to light would not budge.

i felt like in moments,
i could disappear.
leave the face of the earth, and no one would ever know.
i'd just blend into the trees, and the streets.
make myself invisible.
and unknown.

there was that night.
one of the worst nights.
one where i felt machines, where there was steel instead of skin.
cold instead of warm.
desperately trying to break free.
as if i was encased in a shell, and i wanted to be exposed.

realization set in.
it removed me from the case, and i exposed myself.
and i could finally see.
there was light, not darkness.
the door finally flooded open,
and i was free.

then came the morning.
the new day.
i could remember vividly.
yawning from a tired sleep, and glancing out of my window.
and instead of seeing the green grass, i saw a different brightness.
all i could see was white.

"snow means His forgiveness, you know."

that day...
changed something in me.
it molded something that was already present, and mixed it in with something totally new.
totally worthy and very pure.
just like the white of the snow outside my bedroom window.
for the first time in months, i smiled.
for real. no force was needed.

leaving everything behind, i threw on boots,
and went into the winter.
the winter winds that changed me.

with love and light,
eve morgan