Choice Vs. Chance.

i used to dream.
they were weird as hell, but i found them amusing enough.
later on, they got clearer. more vivid.
almost as if it was the real thing.
and when i met you,
i decided not to dream.

i didn't want to think about it.
i also did not want my mind to embellish it, or construe miles of stories that were maybe's.
but my subconscious betrayed me.
it led me back to walk.
to glide, towards what at the time,
seemed like the light.

"do you believe that our lives are by chance,
or by choice?"

it's a bit difficult to believe in fate,
when i know you have made a choice.
one that brings me to fight.
to strike back.
with all that i've got.

yet in all the preparation,
i've lost my drive.
maybe through all this, i don't need to win.
because maybe there's no fight.
maybe the favors aren't actually favor's at all.
they were just fantasies.

i heard a voice that almost sounded like yours.
it scared me at first, because i thought it could be...
but i turned and it wasn't.
i see a car and i think it's yours without question.
but it's not.

i wander,
from place to place.
searching for something else.
anything else.
distracting myself with things and people and objects.
thinking that'll be enough to remove you.
but your on the wall of my mind like a shadow.
one move and you follow me.

i never knew what it was like.
i saw other people living it and i thought,
"man, this is so dramatized."
never knew it could be an understatement.

when i ly at night,
i think of your eyes,
and how they caught the light

i can still remember.
what the experiences have brought me.
frustration.
anxiety.
stress.
sadness.
fear.
strength.
power.
joy.
bliss.

i imagined what i'd be like if i never knew you.
how different everything would be.
i wonder if i would be better, or worse.
but i guess that's how fate works.

i don't know what will happen.
but right now, i seem to have an idea.
so i want to change it.
i don't want this to be "another one of those times".
i want it to mean something.
so it didn't look like i wasted my time.

did you waste yours?

with love and light,
eve morgan