If Only.

i wish i could change how i feel.
i wish i could fix what has been broken.
instead of picking up the pieces of glass and throwing them away,
i could be gluing them together so it will be one again.
the cracks may be seen, but it'll be together again.

but that's what happens when your own feelings get in the way.
they mess things up.
feelings cause a lot of stupid decisions that you just know you'll regret.
"why can't things just stay the same?"

i'm so tired.
sick feelings hit my stomach when my head hits the pillow.
thoughts pry into my slumber, awaking me.
i don't get much sleep anymore.

i would give anything to just rest.
without cares and without worries.
like nothing could come in my way.
a clear head, clear mind.
no faces clouding.

amnesia sounds pretty damn good right about now.
the ability to forget used to be avoidable.
but craving it makes it more impossible to achieve.
"good luck finding a miserable amnesiac."

i want to go back.
to that normal day in a favorite city of mine.
and instead of silence, there are words.
meaningful ones.
ones that leave a mark. words that matter.
sometimes it feels like it's too late to say.
but who knows what the outcome will be.

other things stray me away from the bigger picture.
frustration and sickness being some of them.
it's funny how sometimes you take some things so simply.
believing that it will last forever.
but later,
man, are you mistaken.

great words from a movie:
"that's when you've found someone really special. when you can just shut up, and share a comforting silence."
uma said it better than i could.
"what i would give..."

protect those who are in your life.
be strong willed for them.
be there for them.
because even when you think they are doing great,
they just want you there.
doing fine = feeling like crap.
they miss you.
so come back.

"can't things be like they used to be?"

with love and light,
eve morgan