Gravity.

time has grabbed me by the shoulders.
shaking me until i feel sick.
it shouts, "its your moment, leave the ground!" and i shake my head again and again, tears spilling out all over. all around me.
how could i leave who or what has kept me in the grass?
who helped with my steps? how could i knowing that they or it has taught me to keep my feet in front of me?
time again says, softly now: "leave and let go."

the first time i flew i was scared.
freaked out and full of fear.
leaving my comfort zone was something i had never wanted to do, or wanted to experience.
my hands desperately tried to grab the earth beneath me, to hold on; yet that sunset colored rose was shrunken into a dot as my body flew higher from the floor.

moments passed by, and with every leap after..
it began to feel like grace.
like peace.
like bliss.

"something always brings me back to you."

yet, with everything keeping me up, i am cast back down into reality.
my mind doesn't quite understand.
i ask myself why i cannot stay up there with the stars and the clouds.
then my voice repeats my mantra back as if i am learning for the first time.
"but people need you here.
they need you."

faith is a series of calculations
created by an idiot savant.
i'm in love.
i'm alone
in this city of painted boxes
stacked like alphabet blocks
spelling nothing.

so many things and experiences i have been through cross into my utopia, disfiguring the beauty and reforming into something of a nightmare.
all i has wished was to sit up in bed, clutching the front of my shirt and heaving short breaths, but enveloped in relief.
that feeling. "oh, it was only a dream."
if only...

"you loved me 'cause i'm fragile, when i thought that i was strong.
but you touch me for a little while and all that fragile strength is gone."

i begin to review my dreams and what has caused my glass to crack.
i try to analyze what to do, knowing that even one day, it will break.
that it will shatter into millions of pieces.
what's the aftermath?
but the bigger question: how to stop it from happening?
"too little too late."

i guess there's just fate.
tape it around your fingers, and write it with permanent ink.
because that's where it'll stay.

"i live here on my knees as i try to make you see that you're everything i think i need here on the ground.
but you're neither friend or foe and i can't seem to let you go."

the words said by time are again in my mind, like a song that you just hate but you can't seem to remove it from your head.
it just re-plays, and that music of thought has left a scar.
you left a scar.

my heart is like graffiti on a subway train,
a shadow on the wall made by a child.

i cling to love as if it were an answer.
i go on buying,
knowing i'll burn out before the sun.

i wonder what it would be like to burn.
to burn away all your sins.
your insecurities.
to burn your problems away until you are just a fresh piece of meat, waiting to be devoured by another.
like a fresh yet fatal start.
a new self.
burning away your identity.

"here i am and i stand so tall, just the way it's supposed to be.
but you're on to me."

sometimes i want to re-build.
destroy and re-build all the aspects of me.
make myself greater.
better.
stronger.
but i already am what i am meant to be.
that's what you say anyway.
"you are stronger than you appear."
thoughts of me, and your words, are what keep me up.
but i can't just keep standing.

"set me free, leave me be, i don't want to fall another moment into your gravity."

i like to be with the birds.
because they have it so easy.
the earth is filled with ones i care about.
but time had a good point.
"let go."

gravity chains us to the asphalt with such grace
we think it's kind.

no more leaving myself on the floor to be stepped on.
no more scarring.
i will listen to time and i will come to embrace it as well.
it really is a moment to let go.
i just know it'll be the hardest task to manage.

i know this
the way i know
sunrise and sunset
are caused by the endless turning
of the Earth.

with love and light,
eve morgan