Go For It.

i know that when i was younger, i stood on the sidelines.
i just watched as everyone else struggled and persevered, resulting in either accomplishment or failure.
i was never part of the equation.

until i met this loud, slightly obnoxious girl who never stopped pretending.
she took everything head on, and it was admirable.
her other qualities.. maybe not so much.
one thing that made her so unique and different, however...
was her ability to smash the shell wide open, leaving you exposed to the world.
and according to her, you had to take it with joy.
with humor.
with liveliness.

after knowing this person, i was shoved into the game.
into play.
i had no idea what to do, and my face hit dirt again and again.
but i learned that i had to get up.
because if not, i'd get trampled.
i could hear her in my head: "suck it up!"
so i did.

i made myself stand.
no one else helped me up.
it was all me.
and after that, i knew that no one could push me down again.
no one other than myself.

years later, high school hit.
away from that girl and away from the awkward shy one that held my name.
she didn't deserve the title.
they say that people never change.
but that is one of the biggest lies i had ever heard.
for a while i had followed it. i learned my lesson.
one of the best lessons i could have experienced.

so i tried different things. met different people. started dressing, acting, and living differently.
but still trying to keep my old self intact.
like sewing the new fabric into the old that was my heart.
that was my soul.
like the shadow on peter pan, that he just has to keep.
without it it's like you aren't real.

at first, the transition was hard.
going from being the audience member to the one that the audience was watching.
my body just froze the first time i tried a new thing.
it was like ice encased my whole entire body and i could not do anything to move.
now i have a fire that melts the fear away.
and i thank who helped it grow to this very day.

sometimes i don't always succeed.
i may be disappointed, yes, but it's alright.
because the fire gets bigger each time.
like an inferno.
"at first you don't succeed, try try again."

i'm a volcano ready to blow.
you better be ready.
because i'm still trying to be.

but that's the fun of the party.
"get living."

with love and light,
eve morgan