Influences.

i've had a lot of influences over the years. parents, friends, peers, people from movies, tv, and musicians; just so many things that i've literally lost count. i've changed a lot over the course of my life, some for the good and some for the worse. i've never regretted any of my choices because they are the mistakes that i can re-correct if the situation presents itself again. i don't like living in the past, no matter how afraid i am of the future, despite the instinct of curling into a ball and hiding from the world.
there have been so many environments molded and fixated around me, so many different persona's that i could have chosen, the crowds that i mix myself with; yet somehow, i'm as confused as ever.
one day i was lying around after school, watching tv on the couch. i do this often, and i'm usually content with lazying around and watching other people's lives on the screen. then i thought to myself "this is completely and utterly not satisfying. i've never been so bored". so i got up, and i left the house. i had no idea where i was going, or what i was going to do.
i went to my workplace. i didn't need to work that day, but i went in, and took myself straight to the back. straight to the canvas's. i then bought one, with my employee discount, and walked out with a white canvas in my arms.
i got in the car, set it down in the passenger seat and shut the door. i wondered then "what am i going to even paint with this?" it's still sitting there in my room, blank and ready to be colored, ready for some art.
don't worry, i will paint it. with time, i will make every stroke count.

what's ironic about this is that the next day i went to a play that my friend was in. and wanna know what's funny? it was about a painting. and the painting was white.
i was completely engrossed in this play, and i never took my eyes of the characters and off the scene. it was amazing, the dialogue so thoroughly and fantastically written, i was shocked at how detailed it was for three men creating conflict over a blank painting. i was completely mind blown. i felt very satisfied, then a little upset.
that play made me miss drama more than i ever had in my life. the way they acted the lines, the personality they gave off of each character, the way they spat out words, some words that i didn't even know; they spoke them so quickly and so fast as if they've known those lines and those monologues since they were children.
i actually had forgotten what it was like to speak back and forth with memorized lines. i couldn't remember what it was like, practicing each word again and again, until it was bored into my brain, like it was for them.
i want that to happen to me again.
see? i find influences everywhere.

another one that i had found inspiration from is this man on youtube: chester see. at first i was like "damn, this guy is cute", but then i listened to his music. his voice and his lyrics just made me melt. made me want to compose on my guitar, right then and there. im not going to lie, i tried. failed, but still tried.
i just couldn't place why i loved his songs so much, did i like them because they related to me? or did i just like the sound of his voice and the way he hit those piano keys? i still don't know, but it does send me to the guitar every time.
in fact, i'm working on a song now.

influences are a funny thing. they show up at the weirdest times, having you travel to the depths of your mind, asking you "is this what you really want?"
and you know what? it is.

with love and light,
eve morgan