Love Comes With the Weirdest Stories.

today, i'm going to be lazy. i'm going to tell a story.
i came up with this on the spot when my friend asked me to tell him a bedtime story; he couldn't sleep, nor i. i couldn't decide how to start a story off the top of my head, and i begged for something to help me start.
"a candle," he said.

so here is my bedtime story; a story about a young girl, with a precious candle.

there once was a little village down in Ireland, back during what could be described as the middle ages. it was a sweet, darling village with many shops that had moss covering the roofs. everywhere there were friendly people, and the market always had new events happening almost every week.
down in this little village there was a small candle shop, and there lived a candle maker. this candle maker was known for being the best in all of Ireland, and many traveled far to purchase his gloriously scented candles.
not many people knew that it wasn't just this one man creating all these wonderful smells, but also his young daughter. the candle makers daughter was a small lass, but he had taught her well over the years. she could even run the shop by herself if he had let her.
she was a little thing; thin with blonde hair reaching down towards the small of her back. she was quite shy, this girl, but could hold her own.

one day the village held a festival, filled with games and shops and booths. many tourists from around the world came to this festival, knowing that they would find the most precious things in the world. so of course, the candle maker and his daughter set up a booth, giving out small sample candles, as well as selling great and worthy ones.
they made a lot of money, these two. the candle maker wanted the daughter to take his business one day, and she jumped for the chance when she heard, many many years before.
but today, during the last festival day; the girl felt that something was missing. that she knew that there was something else besides candle making; she just didn't know what.
so near the closing time, things started to dwindle down. as the man and his daughter started to pack everything up and head home, a man appeared.
"i would like the most beautiful, loveliest smelling candle you have," said the man. the girl was still shocked at the beauty of this man; his unnatural tan skin and his deep blue eyes that seemed to pierce into her. she shook these odd thoughts away, and answered, "i-i'm sorry, but we have sold all of our candles."
the man shook his head, and retrieved a large pouch from his satchel. he tossed it on the table, spilling out what looked to be the most money that this girl had ever seen.
"you must have something," he insisted.
in earnest, the father nodded excitedly. he exclaimed, "oh, of course! we do have something!" he took a small bag from the daughter, and in fear, she clutched it away from her father. eyes wide, her whole body shook in protest. she turned to the gorgeous man and said: "i'm sorry, but this candle is not for sale. i-it's too valuable."
the man just smiled and pointed to the gold laying on the table. "nothing is too valuable."
the old candle maker had given up, he cared about his daughter more than the money, and returned to packing up the booth.
the girl found all of her courage and said "money doesn't prove worth of anything precious." the man was shocked by her words, as well as she was surprised of saying them. he struggled to find what to say next and finally spoke.
"how can i earn this 'precious' candle from you, then?"
with this she smiled and replied:
"you have to earn it."

for the next month, this man did everything for this girl. he would help around the shop (which pleased the old candle maker), carry her things, buy her things, asking again and again if he could have this candle. every time she replied "you haven't proven your worth."
so time and time went by, this man and girl ended up spending every moment together. at a certain point they even became friends; the topic of the candle came up less and less.
so one day, they were taking a walk they normally would, delivering boxes of candles to a man down the shore from the village. at one point, the man asked for a break near this beautiful lake. the girl agreed, and they set the boxes down and took a rest.
with all of his strength, the man said, "i give up."
the girl looked back at him; shocked. she was having fun with him, and now he was just done? given up? she shouted "what? why?"
the man just laughed then. he sat up, dusting off his trousers and boots, and took her hand. he lifted her up so she could stand, and didn't let go of hand. she was confused and she could feel color rising to her cheeks.
"i don't even care about the candle anymore," he stated. then with a sigh, he admitted to why.
"the only thing i care about is you. i love you."
and with that, he bent to kiss her. she stopped him.
"wait," she whispered. she let go of his hand, and ran over to where her bag lay; the one she carried everyday, everywhere. she opened it, and removed a small box. she carried that little box back to him, and set it in his arms. with silence, he started to open the box, and found that it was what he asked for all along.
he looked at her, completely blown away, and gave her a quizzical look that she knew to be familiar. she just looked back and him and smiled.
"you have proven your worth."
and with that, he took her in his arms and he kissed her. the candle fell and rolled down the dirt pathway, barely still intact. but they didn't care.
because they both found out what was really precious.
each other.

the end.

with love and light,
eve morgan

Failure To Launch.

i remembered to make a blog post for wednesday at about 12:17 in the morning.


"shit, it's thursday"


fail? i think so.


with love and light,
eve morgan

Run Forrest, Run.

the gym.
a great place to work out, to build up strength and to make yourself proud and worthy.
the gym creates a lot of opportunities: to build up stamina and strength, the enjoyment of buying new work out clothes, and maybe flirting with a good looking stranger once in a while.

i like the gym. i like the comfort of being able to walk in, sweat and have your face be bright red and nobody would care. no one would think that you didn't look one hundred percent because they know they don't look one hundred percent either.
that's why people join gyms, that's why they go. to look better. to feel better.
maybe there are different reasons why anyone goes to the gym. maybe they go so that they can impress this certain other, or that maybe they have to lose a couple pounds so they can stay on a certain sports team.
or maybe they have to just focus on their body instead of focusing on their mind.

i want to join a gym. i want to learn how to take care of not just my brain, but my body. i'd like to know how it feels to actually be in shape, to know what its like to still be ready for more after a three mile run. i want to feel the strength building up in my legs when they move, and feel a certain back ache after a good workout.
however, that's not everything.

sometimes i wish that for one second that i can maybe not think. not because i have so many intellectual thoughts that i want to stray away from, but just the fact that i need a shutdown. it's too much wiring going on, and the gears and cranks that power my brain to think has been going on for too long and way too fast.

running helps. it really does. running's probably not for everyone; every person probably has a different way or technique to set their mind free.
running takes away everything for me. i stop thinking and stop worrying; i just stop. in that moment when my legs move quicker than normal, all that happens is how fast i go and how far i travel. i don't think about my problems or memories, i don't think about boys i like or have liked, or fights with friends, or issues with family.
i don't think.

honestly, it's healthy to just take yourself out of your head.
 
that is why i want to join a gym.

with love and light,
eve morgan

Everyday?

you know what i've come to notice?
it's really hard to stay determined and motivated. you always have to have something else that's pushing you, that's making you and striving you to accomplish something.
i have a lot of different people and things that keep me motivated.

like this blog for instance.
i have no idea why i started this, i guess one day i was like "hey, i want people to read something of mine" so i just created an account and started to type.
but i ask myself what got me to continue to write, and continue to put in more and more posts? you think it's the followers i have, if even any. just for future knowledge, i'm not that popular.

i can think of maybe one or two people that strives me to create a new post, maybe not every day, but continuously. one or two people that know how talented i am, and that actually enjoys and wants to read what is new in my life, and how much progress i have made in my actual writing style.
there's not that many who even know that this blog exists but maybe a few friends.

i've been told, or suggested, that i write in this blog everyday. no matter how stupid or how small, just a little something every day to tide the "so many fans" over until the next one.
i'll try my best to satisfy.

wish me luck.

with love and light,
eve morgan

Lost.

i want to be a bird.
to fly away into freedom, to be in mid air against the wind, just aware of your own breathing; seeing amazing places and the beauty of when land meets sky.
it would be glorious to just grow wings and to take off running, building and building until the rush of the wind set your feet off the ground, and your now running on air; with so much splendor and the most uplifting feeling you've ever experienced.
i want to be a bird. i want wings.
i want to be able to travel anywhere, discover places and see things that no one else has ever before, so then you know that it's your utopia, your place.
it's amazing finding a new place, to adventure into the unknown, not sure whether you will be disappointed or happy that you went to search in the first place; and you can't wait to find out which.

i've wasted a lot of my time. now all i want to do is go into the wild, and experience what it's truly like to be lost.

it would be scary as shit, i know.
but i think that it's worth it. to take your life into your own two hands and reveal to yourself the courage and curiosity that you have been hiding all this time.

i want to have a worthy memory.

time to get lost.

with love and light,
eve morgan

The Balance Beam.

i used to think that everything came with a price. that no matter what you did, it would always end up the same: holding nothing and regretting what wasn't savored.
everything has consequences, that is truth. but no one realizes that it isn't the consequences, but it's how you deal with it, and how you come to fix what you have broken.

everything has a balance.

i had always been taught that i had to watch my step, be careful of what's around me, because if i wasn't aware that life would come and bite me in the ass.
no one ever gave me lessons about balance. no one told me that you don't have to drown in your mistakes, or over-think everything that doesn't or might not go smoothly.
i can't believe i didn't know this as a kid. maybe things could be different if i didn't worry about every little thing, or freak out about something that probably never could happen.

but i guess that's what fear is.
fear of the unknown.
terror of what'll happen in the future. what changes may happen.

i hate change.
a lot.
so much in fact, that whenever there's any change happening at all, i reject it with all that i've got. and that never works out in my favor.

change is good sometimes.
because what i have come to realize, is that with change...
there's a balance.

so stop denying yourself of new things. of change.
don't stand on the edge of the beam.
go into the middle.

because that's where the balance is.

with love and light,
eve morgan

Communication.

communication.

that word means a lot of different things. it's what creates relationships, and it's what keeps them stable. without it, connections with two individuals may spin out of control, out of order, and finally it ends because it doesn't work.
what is interesting to take in is that we never really grasp the effects or consequences of communication or lack there of. that's why relationships end. whether they be ex boyfriend and girlfriends, or friends, or just colleagues.

nowadays, we have so many different ways of communicating with someone. phone calls, email, skype, facebook, aim, texting... all of these without even being there to actually speak to someone face to face. it's even worse when you try all these useless ways to connect with someone, only to be led to the fact that they won't communicate back. then you get into this whole large conflict with yourself and your emotions, and what you have tried so hard to create has just disintegrated before your very eyes.

communication.

without it we step further and further into the belly of the beast, with no way of escape or survival.
with it, we can bound about in victory leaps, with such joy across faces.

so what happens when the communication lies on one end, but not the other?

tough question.

with love and light,
eve morgan

What To Do?

i love showers. the way it feels when i step in, the warm water flowing onto my skin. breathing in the steam that resonates in that small space behind the curtain, every single thought is fogged by the thickness of the moist air. showers calm me down when i am stressed, and excite me when i am tired from a long day. sometimes i crave them, because its one part of the house, one action that separates me from the moments and realities of what is around me, around the house, around the city, around the state, around the country, around the world.
i get so disappointed when i know i am cleansed, that now i have to turn the handle to end what has been so serene and peaceful. now i have to return, come back to the present, and deal with the reality.
 
i'm an intelligent person. i'm not trying to convey with vanity of how smart or wise i am, i just know. i'm a smart girl. so when i come across something that i myself should stay away from, how come i've been swept in like other helpless and mainly just stupid girls?
did something happen to my brain to make me act and think in an utterly senseless way; impulsive and down right dreadful?
i've always been one to express my opinion about someone else's life; what's happening in their situation, what "drama" has come their way. i've been asked "what do i do? help me, please. i need your advice." i do the best i can to tell them what is right and what is wrong, and i do my best to keep their feelings at bay. i just want to help in a way that benefits them. because i care about what happens to them, and i'd like to protect them in any way possible.
so why, when it comes to me, i have no wise advice for myself? i've come across many others, asking their opinions, being one of those people, someone like those that have asked me many a time for my aspect. i do enjoy and need someone else to express their thoughts on the subject; it's good to get someone else's opinion on something about me for once.
i do trust their ideas, and their advice. i like hearing of what i should do, instead of me fending for myself. yet, the person i'd like advice from the most:

is myself.

the trouble with that is, i have no advice to give. i don't know what to do, or what to tell myself. i can't just say "everything will be alright" because i have no idea if it will. whatever i tell myself to do, i have no idea if it's right or if it's wrong. if i make the wrong decision, things could spin out of control. and i like control. it's what has kept me from going over the edge. it's what keeps me from breakdowns and from bad habits.
i am also not a very trusting person. i only have certain few to confide in, and to reveal my whole self without judgement, and that when i tell a secret, they won't confess.
but why is it that i can trust others, but not trust myself?
it's a mystery, really. trust. confidence, not just in yourself, but with others.
what i ask myself, why is it that i prefer my advice over the few i trust, but yet, do not trust myself? that is confusing beyond belief, and with all the intelligence i convey, i do not understand it.

so. what is there to do now? take the advice from the trustworthy people i call my friends, or do i still try to open the door and learn to trust my opinions and discover advice for myself?
i honestly prefer the second option. it would explain a lot of things, and i could maybe discover and learn more about myself than i ever would.

but there isn't a lot of time left.

what to do.

with love and light,
eve morgan

How To Describe Myself.

the other day i was asked a simple question. something that could have been easily answered if you had any knowledge of who you were. what you were interested in, what your passions were, just your own uniqueness that no one else had but you.

"how do you describe yourself?"

i was puzzled because i didn't know what to say, how to answer. because honestly, i didn't have any idea of how to "describe" myself. do i go into detail of what i like, what i look like? or do i have to delve deep inside of myself, and pull up some results?
let me tell you, going down the rabbit hole isn't as fun or easy as it may seem.
i've never really had to think and express what personality i have. i haven't yet scoured for different qualities that i express daily to the public and in solitude. i mean, i've heard things that people have noticed or discovered about me, but who can express who they are but themselves?
i thought about that for a minute but i was still stuck on what to say! i debated on whether to compliment myself, or to be harsh, or just in between. i did not want to come across as selfish or vain; no words came.
tapping my fingers, i recalled what some of my friends, family, and peers thought of me.
i've been called nice, sweet, kind, responsible, smart, wise, loving, weird (in a good way), creative, inspirational, and an all around pure soul.

to me, all those things about me just feel like adjectives.

i guess i can never truly describe or explain to someone who i really am. because who i am is evolving and changing through out my years, and will until i am old and my life has been lived.

so how do i describe myself, you ask?

you tell me.

with love and light,
eve morgan

Dear Summer.

dear summer,

you don't know how happy i am for you to be here. to see your sunshine, to feel the warm sand in between my toes, and to listen to the crashing of waves. i have longed to breath in the sweet, crisp night air, and to skip through the fields on a much needed hike.
 
i have missed you so much.
 
you are always around when my birthday comes along, and i love sharing it with you.
oh, summer, when i was younger, i didn't appreciate you that much. i didn't take advantage of the time i had with you, and in a flash, you disappeared before my eyes.
don't leave so quickly this time.
i want to live in the moment with you, everyday, every chance i have. it's time for some fun and some liveliness to happen, some memories that i will never forget.
 
i want you to meet my friends. some you have met before, and others you have never seen. i hope you'll take a liking to them. they are fascinating people, and i'm ecstatic to have the opportunity to spend time with all of you.
summer, you are so unique. you let me laze around, and don't complain when i don't change out of pajamas. you make me shine so bright, and the glorious blue of your sky just makes me jump with joy.
i just cannot wait. i say and think so much will happen, and i hope that somehow, the goals i have for you will occur, leaving memories for me to treasure forever.

summer, i never used to like you.
now, i can't bear to have you leave.

with love and light,
eve morgan

Influences.

i've had a lot of influences over the years. parents, friends, peers, people from movies, tv, and musicians; just so many things that i've literally lost count. i've changed a lot over the course of my life, some for the good and some for the worse. i've never regretted any of my choices because they are the mistakes that i can re-correct if the situation presents itself again. i don't like living in the past, no matter how afraid i am of the future, despite the instinct of curling into a ball and hiding from the world.
there have been so many environments molded and fixated around me, so many different persona's that i could have chosen, the crowds that i mix myself with; yet somehow, i'm as confused as ever.
one day i was lying around after school, watching tv on the couch. i do this often, and i'm usually content with lazying around and watching other people's lives on the screen. then i thought to myself "this is completely and utterly not satisfying. i've never been so bored". so i got up, and i left the house. i had no idea where i was going, or what i was going to do.
i went to my workplace. i didn't need to work that day, but i went in, and took myself straight to the back. straight to the canvas's. i then bought one, with my employee discount, and walked out with a white canvas in my arms.
i got in the car, set it down in the passenger seat and shut the door. i wondered then "what am i going to even paint with this?" it's still sitting there in my room, blank and ready to be colored, ready for some art.
don't worry, i will paint it. with time, i will make every stroke count.

what's ironic about this is that the next day i went to a play that my friend was in. and wanna know what's funny? it was about a painting. and the painting was white.
i was completely engrossed in this play, and i never took my eyes of the characters and off the scene. it was amazing, the dialogue so thoroughly and fantastically written, i was shocked at how detailed it was for three men creating conflict over a blank painting. i was completely mind blown. i felt very satisfied, then a little upset.
that play made me miss drama more than i ever had in my life. the way they acted the lines, the personality they gave off of each character, the way they spat out words, some words that i didn't even know; they spoke them so quickly and so fast as if they've known those lines and those monologues since they were children.
i actually had forgotten what it was like to speak back and forth with memorized lines. i couldn't remember what it was like, practicing each word again and again, until it was bored into my brain, like it was for them.
i want that to happen to me again.
see? i find influences everywhere.

another one that i had found inspiration from is this man on youtube: chester see. at first i was like "damn, this guy is cute", but then i listened to his music. his voice and his lyrics just made me melt. made me want to compose on my guitar, right then and there. im not going to lie, i tried. failed, but still tried.
i just couldn't place why i loved his songs so much, did i like them because they related to me? or did i just like the sound of his voice and the way he hit those piano keys? i still don't know, but it does send me to the guitar every time.
in fact, i'm working on a song now.

influences are a funny thing. they show up at the weirdest times, having you travel to the depths of your mind, asking you "is this what you really want?"
and you know what? it is.

with love and light,
eve morgan

Just A Little Tid Bit.

i'm in a library. i can't remember the last time i was in a library. it just goes to show how much i waste my time with stupid things when i can be here, reading and learning something on my own. you and i are probably thinking the same thing: why am i here?
just got bored with the same ol' thing. that's why i'm here. for some quiet, some peace, and some time for myself. and let me tell you, it feels pretty damn good. probably in a half hour or so i'll grab a bunch of books off the shelves, check them out, and go into nature somewhere and just read. it sounds downright delightful. i don't know why i don't do this too often.
here's a tiny little rant though. two kids near me are annoying the crap out of me. they won't shut up. by the looks of their posters and books, they're working on a project of some sort. but the boy just keeps looking at me funny and the girl is blabbing about something a girl spoke about her. i'm a little curious, but mostly annoyed. they are quite loud for two kids in a library, meant to be working.
i myself would probably be just as obnoxious if i had a friend with me.
but this is "me" time.

i don't really know why i'm making a blog post right now when i should be scouring the shelves for good writing and good stories. so i think i just might.
and just to make this blog seem like something important, i'll tell you: take some time for yourself. some time with some meaning and some purpose. it may seem pathetic or lonely to you, but everyone needs to be alone sometime.
take a little time for you.

with love and light,
eve morgan

Unusual Freedom.

oh, the emotional studies of drama. drama in the house, drama in the classrooms, drama in the world. 

drama is interesting. we wrap ourselves in it one way or another, don't lie and tell me you haven't crossed paths with it once or twice. no matter how hard we try to relieve ourselves of this stress and pressure, it somehow brings us down and causes hurt, just destruction like a fire in the forest. some people take so much of their time worrying about whats the peers around them have thought, said, and judged against their personality. we lose sleep over this, and make long plans and schemes to keep our reputation intact.

there will always be those kind that love rumors, and love to see others in pain; some from their own expense. but it all doesn't matter, because when one situation ends, another one is created, molding itself to ruin the pride and satisfaction that you had from overcoming the last one. there is no such thing as "drama free". there may be a slight grasp of freedom, and you get so excited and enthusiastic that you don't even realize that the freedom you grab at flies backward and backward, and the determination you had has led you to darkness.

this may sound blunt, but the best way is to not care. when someone spreads something about you, whether it be true or no, they are seeking attention and conflict. getting back at them (without sinking to their level) is to just step back and not care. hell, even laugh at the situation you're in. because you know it's so ludicrous that it isn't even worth your time. i've found so much bliss from lack of participation in the bombardments of stupidity and "drama" thrown my way.

that's my freedom. my own way of "drama free".

with love and light,
eve morgan

A Million to One.

i'm not going to lie.

i completely had forgotten about this blog for a couple days.
my friend blatantly asked me if i had given up on blogging. maybe not in those exact words, but the same message all the same. i didn't really think that this was a very meaningful blog, but apparently, one person checks.
so i won't give up on this blog.
no sirree bob.
as well as my own personal paranoia that i write now and again, i somehow feel like i owe a part of my gift (if that's what you call it) to someone who needs it (if whatever stuff i spit out is what you need anyway).
i won't lie, this determination might not last long.
but hey, i don't get a lot of sleep anymore, so i might as well try.

i bought this fantastic book yesterday. its close to seven hundred pages, filled with the craziest and most insane stuff i've ever read. and i find it fascinating. all these people, all these pages, have some meaning. whether its just something they did one day, or a message sprouting change; i've discovered that every single poem from every single poet has one thing in common.
they all write with heart.
and that's what brings me out my shell, writing to complete strangers, or my friends, or just the air. the written word is a funny thing, and honestly, it never fully satisfies.
i think that's what causes people to write anyways. that they struggle and strive for something better, that when they get writer's block, it's because they know that there is a different, more sophisticated word that could be used. or that this sentence can be cut out, or that they didn't completely explain an idea or thought.
we think a minimum of a million thoughts a day.
at least write one good one down.

with love and light,
eve morgan