what it will be like to run,
to jump, to squeal, to smile
so wide that i feel like my cheeks could
burst like balloons.
i dream of how so many butterflies
will emerge inside me
and how my heart rate will quicken,
and how i won't believe it,
how i can't believe that i've just seen
your face.
miles and miles and miles away,
i can still feel the goosebumps rising on my skin
when you breathe in my ear,
i can hear your laughter ringing from a distance of states,
as if you were only three feet next to me.
i imagine that look,
that one of wonder and of fondness,
that look of love you gave me,
when i tilted my head and asked "what?".
i knew it before you even could catch a glimpse.
how much you cared and how much you felt.
how out of all the pieces of the puzzle,
i was the biggest one in your eyes.
i try to wrap my head around how i could be so attached.
so obsessed.
so infatuated.
and so in love.
it scares me, this feeling.
this feeling that bounces back at me again and again,
without warrant and without connection.
it's just there.
never wavering.
all i want to tell you is how i miss the glory in your eyes.
or the way your jawline feels when my fingers trace it.
i want to tell you how the slightest imagine of you sends my mind reeling,
reeling with memories
of hiding underneath the covers,
my head resting on your shoulders,
or the way your voice shook when you told me those words.
those 3 syllables convey so much meaning.
and i knew that just by seeing you sleep.
so open and so vulnerable.
i just couldn't believe that i had that there.
next to me.
letting me look into
what most people find as solitary.
knowing you so well is frightening,
and exciting at the same time.
i get giddy when i know
that you understand it the same.
you may find it different,
some things that i say may vary from yours,
but the way i feel
and the way you feel
are still on equal levels.
it's still the same love.
and i'll always believe that.
"Maybe 'Okay' Will Be Our Always" - John Green
okay.
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