Here's Looking at You, Kid.

i'm graduating in a day.
closer to two, but it doesn't feel as such.
i just feel like i'm going to come back.
that it'll just be another year, and i'll walk these halls with pride.
but no.
i've already had enough days of that.

it's bittersweet, but mostly bitter.
that most of these faces i brush past,
won't ever be in my view again.
it's too soon.

it's too soon to forget all the memories here.
all the drama and hardships and studying and cheating and begging and becoming bored.
all of the learning, the sleeping, the tests, the lectures, the study guides, the rallies, the football games, the productions in the PAC...
i can't believe that i'll miss all of that.
it doesn't even feel real because if it did,
almost a fourth of my life would be gone.

it's crazy.
i don't understand.
every bone in my body stays silent while my nerves circling around them shiver.
shiver with fear.
shiver with anxiety.
they move and convulse because they know there's an ending.
an ending that even i haven't taken all the way in.

all these yearbook signatures with all these heartfelt messages...
sometimes to me they seem fake.
like they're trying to take four years of ignoring you for whatever reason,
and putting an apology like nothing ever mattered.
will i miss people like that?

maybe.

but i am excited to start anew.
a new school, with new people.
the only people i'll miss are friends from other towns.
because they really love me.
in the end, you always miss the people you love.
and the others will just fade away,
like ink when it's wet.
it just drips, staining the ground,
and when the rain comes,
it's gone.

that's what i'll be here.
i'll be gone.
and i'm not sure how many will care,
and it won't matter because i'm not even sure that i will care.
only time will tell.

bye, san ramon.
it's been fun.

here's looking at you, kid

with love and light,
eve morgan