My "Day Off"

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop to look around once in a while, you could miss it."

let's just say i've been missing it a lot.
my roommate keeps complaining that i'm never home.
that i'm not there.
that i'm not present.

when i come back, when i lug my body up those 12 steps of stairs, push open the gate, and walk into a place that has my name on the lease.
it feels empty.
it feels unfinished.
and dammit, i hate transitions.

my bed, a thing i used to find comforting and warm after a long day,
is now a black hole, ready to shroud me into darkness,
sucking me in so i never want to get up, never want to move.
and darkness is scary when you're alone.

there has been a feeling,
gnawing my skin raw.

i quit my job and started another.
my mind's been screaming for change,
something that i've tried but never wanted,
but hey, with enough repetition,
you kind of start to like the taste.

sometimes i want to drop everything, pack up my things,
and get the hell outta dodge.
drive through the day and through the night
but oh wait, there's no car.
oh wait, there's no future.
oh wait, there's no familiarity.
oh wait, there's no one there.
no one on the open road
except for me and a pile of things.

i want something to be different.
all this change is happening, but it's not the right kind.
it's like a puzzle piece,
shaped almost exactly like the space you need to fill,
but it can't quite fit.
no matter how much you want it to.

you still have to find the last piece.

i'm still looking.
but in all my searches,
i keep missing the beauty and offerings of this world.
so maybe picking up my life isn't a bad thing.
it's just exploring the world.
good and bad,
evil and ugly,
gorgeous and breathtaking.

"Adventure is out there."

and by God, i want to see it.but i just wish i had a partner to see it with.