My Head's a Ship; My Mind's an Anchor.

it's 11pm.
and my body and mind are wide awake.
that's weird for me lately, because i've been,
falling
drowning
in exhaustion
and stress.
"but the semester just started".
don't remind me.
don't get me wrong, i'm
interested
excited
and ready for the work ahead.

but sometimes
during days like this
i wonder
and think
about summer
the carefree days.
my friends and family tell me
"your memory is too good"
yeah, with the fucked up shit.
like, what you were wearing last time we hung out
and the time stamp of the last text i sent you.
but i can't remember the simple
phrase
or equation
that i learned less than
a month ago.

what i do remember:
the way your face looked when you laughed at my stupid jokes.
or how you sighed when you explained your deepest fears.
i remember
skipping across the street
the way your hand felt on my thigh
and the compressed feel in my chest
whenever there was mention
of your name.

i hate my memory;
it's untrustworthy.

i'm stuck with
reminders
screaming at me
in the middle of the night.
maybe that's why i'm awake and unable to sleep.

because these

thoughts

feelings

and memories

are taking over
pushing me over the edge
like an anchor.
and i can't seem to swim back up to the surface
to breathe.