Books & Coffee Shops.

for the first time in a long time, i feel like the old me.
it's the anniversary.
during one of my worst months a year or so back,
i would come here, sit down, drink coffee and read.
immense myself in a book because i couldn't stand being present in my world.
today is not one of those days.

i just wanted to feel like i was doing something.
leaving the house and being alone.
not because i have to, like i would to commute to my job in the city,
but to be completely content with myself,
and do something that makes me happy.

that was my focus last year when people left and i was isolated.
but that focus was lost when others emerged and filled the cavern that was constantly growing, so much so that i was afraid there would be a cave in and i would be losing air.
i've been struggling to breathe.
but for now, my breaths have slowed.
my heart has slowed.
and although i am exhausted, worn out, and sore...
it's nice to finally meditate my mind,
body,
and soul.

i have so many goals for this year,
this year that already foreshadows stress.
but unlike the year before, i am ready for it.
no distractions.
there are no problems and issues that are jumping out of nowhere that can surprise me.
i've been known not to flinch.
i'm going to grow.
i'm going to develop and change and mold myself into a sculpture instead of a slab of rock or stone.

for the first time in a long time, i believe that.
a lot of people find the time of New Year's a period to remember, to mourn and to move on.
screw mourning.
screw remembering.
just live for now,
and plan for later.
and oh boy, i'm planning for later.
there's no bullshitting my life anymore.

it's time to live it.

with love and light,
Eve Morgan