Eyes of a Tourist.

i'm a little bit drained.
i'm a little bit maimed.
i'm a little bit sane.
but overall, i am grave.

there's a murder of crows flying high over head
over this desolate road,
i sometimes forget,
about you and i

i'm struggling.
and it's weird to think: i don't remember never struggling,
but i don't remember struggling so much,
even though in the past i did.
i'm at a good place with good people and good values are set in place for me.
there's nothing i should be complaining about.
i should be jumping for joy to be so lucky for this miraculous life!
.. so why am i dragging the tons instead of holding them up high?

and i'll fight to survive
through this thunderous life
when we're not side by side

i've been feeling like a drone for a while now with no real reason why.
then a week ago, i was reminded that i'm not just a puppet,
but a person with so much worth.
"you're so talented, Eve. More than you think."
for the first time in a while, i believed that.
and i also got to step back.
look at where i was through the eyes of a visitor, of a tourist,
and i couldn't help but smile.
as i watched the sunset over those familiar buildings, i knew.
God put me right where i need to be.
for the first time since i moved here,
i felt like i belonged.

i've never felt like that anywhere.

i'm roaming through the hills,
all alone
trying to find my direction home
a question of space
a matter of time
i follow the stars into the first light

when i reminisce, i feel worth.
but when i look at today, i feel worse.
i'm where i'm supposed to be,
but i don't feel like me.

i feel like people i trust bring me out to dry.
but i'm beginning to build walls,
so i'm standing in the rain, drenched.
wishing that the storm would pass,
and i could lie in the sun,
daydreaming in the grass.

i don't know what drugs to take
to successfully alter the state,
that my mind has been as of late
something that is eating away at my brain
and it's standing in plain view,
everyone can see
that it looks just like me

but i got to keep the fight going.
because these seas are rough.
i know i'm not that tough,
but i don't plan on getting soaked again.

i just need to remember.
i mean, it's December,
isn't it time to cheer up anyway?
i guess i'll try to keep the darkness at bay.
so with that i say,
have a good day,
because those are hard to come by.

with love and light,
Eve Morgan