We'll All Float On, Alright

lately i've been losing sleep
dreaming about the things that we could be
but baby, i've been playing hard
no more counting dollars
we'll be counting stars

music has always been a helping hand in all of this.
but lately, i've been asking myself:
what is "all this"?
isn't it just life?

i read an old post
and questioned all the statements about the connections i had with other peoples problems
and that mine alone was stronger than theirs.
or at least was on the same level.
but now,
three months later,
everyone's problems seem to be lessening.
at least, i believe they are happier.

i figured that the connections would stay, that when their problems would grow heavier, so would my pack.
or that when the weights turned into feathers, mine would too.
but i'm still carrying rocks on my back,
lugging behind in line
while everyone else is running ahead.
shouting the joy out of their lungs.

i see this life like a swinging vine
swing my heart across the line
and my face is flashing signs
seek it out and you shall find

oh, but i'm not that old
young, but i'm not that bold
i don't think the world is sold
i'm just doing what we're told

i'm beginning to believe that the person staring back in the mirror
doesn't match my face anymore.
and i'm growing scared.
and i've never been scared of my own face before.

i'm still trying to believe in a better outcome.
i'm still hoping to retain the beliefs i had, the morals that i created, and the difference between right and wrong that i concocted so that i wouldn't feel
like this.

i want this summer to be a place of reflection
or of remembrance.
remembrance of who i am.
i don't want to doubt.

i want to cast away the sand bags out of my hot air balloon
and just lift off into the sky.

i deserve to leave behind some of the weight.
i know it'll be okay.
i always know.

i guess that's my gift.
and a curse.

but it's all about how you use it.

lately i've been losing sleep
dreaming about the things that we could be
but baby, i've been playing hard
no more counting dollars
we'll be counting stars