It's Not Just You.

loss.
that word is over-used, and over-exaggerated,
and sometimes
it's used as an excuse or as something that meaninglessly slips from your lips.
when i think of that word,
i know it's not something to be under-exaggerated.
or used lightly.

everybody goes through loss.
it's just what you lose that makes you different from the people around you.
but loss is never a good thing.
at least in my opinion.

it's getting harder wake up,
and even harder to fall asleep.

i always thought of myself as an independent person.
but the more and more i'm alone with myself,
the worse it gets for me.
as much as i love myself,
my mind cannot be trusted.

it still rings.
who else have you lost besides me?

i try to cut out my thoughts with music.
loud, annoying guys talking instead of singing.
because that's the only thing that will shut me up.
and i'm so tired of listening to my brain.

i'm living like it's just any other day.
living it like the word "loss" isn't in my vocabulary.
but it is.
i just don't want to face it.

i just want the issues to stop.
the "loss" of people and of friendships and relationships.
i want them to just fucking stop.
i know i'm strong, love.
but that doesn't mean you have to leave.
go just to prove it.
depart just to see if i can handle it.

i can handle anything you throw.
or whomever throws.
i've dealt with loss before.

it's just this time,
am i handling it the right way?