Infinite Ties.

i never wanted to let go.
holding your hands so tight, afraid that i was going to break your fingers.
i couldn't help the slipping tears,
falling onto
our non-breaking bond.

i heard the steps clacking on the concrete,
as mine clicked on the brick.
i didn't want to listen,
i wanted to run back.
i wanted you to take me in that beat up car,
and just drive until we hit day.

words mean more at night
like a song
and did you ever notice
the way light means more than it did all day long?

i woke up the next day with an empty feeling in my gut.
like a black hole was created in my chest,
right after you exited my reach.
i looked left, right.
alone in this foreign land that i'm forced to call home.

the only time it felt familiar was with you in it.
and without, it was just like the first day.
anxiety creeping in like a stranger,
and shaking,
something that i know when i'm scared.

i don't know whether seeing you that day made it better or made it worse.
because i was so entranced by your smile,
and so moved by your lips,
i forgot to remember that soon, you wouldn't arrive again.
at least,
not for a little while.

words mean more at night
light means more
like your hair and your face and your smile
and our bed and the dress that you wore

he's right, words do mean more at night.
and the light isn't just me.
you think that i'm special, that out of the both of us,
i'm the one that should be favored and deserving.
but that's not completely true.

i don't think i could even walk without your kindness beside me.
i couldn't laugh without your jokes, or without your smile.
there would be no thought without your interesting opinions.
everything about you is fascinating to me;
and you treat me like a princess everyday.

more than anyone ever has.

and i wish i could leave my bones and my skin
and float over the tired, tired sea
so that i could see you again

i'm trying to find a time in my life that was important before this.
before the whole existence of you.
but i can't.
not just in the romantic sense either.

conversations had never been easier.
and i was never scared to cry,
or tell you my darkest secrets.

sometimes you think that i don't tell you everything,
but everything i say to you is more than what i say to others.
the content might be short, but the meaning is pages and pages long.
with everybody else, it's just banter.
with you, it's about my dreams. it's about my wants and my passions.
it's about me; not the things that revolve around the world.

and that's important for you to know.
because someone i love deserves to know everything and anything about me.

so i'll send you my words
from the corners of my room
and though i write them by the light of day
please read them by the light of the moon

i'm going to begin writing to you personally.
with a postman and everything.
because that is showing how much i care.
not this.
this is just how i feel.
but i want to show you how i feel.

so just wait.
one's coming soon.

maybe you would leave too
and we'll blindly pass each other
floating over the ocean blue
just to find the warm bed of our lover

so i'll send you my words
from the corners of my room
and though i write them by the light of day
please read them by the light of the moon

You Gotta Have Faith.

last night i couldn't sleep.
after another long, hard conversation;
i slammed my phone in the charger, plugged my ears from the world,
and laid my head against the tiger,
just wishing that tomorrow could be a better day.

i did not get the rest that i so much needed,
that i so much deserved.

it's been only two weeks, but i feel like it's been months.
you're like Peter Pan's shadow, running away when you should be tucked under my feet.
i'm trying so desperately to catch you, but you keep slipping out of my grasp.

i can't be the only one chasing.

i want the world in my hands
i hate the beach
but i stand in california with my toes in the sand
use the sleeves on my sweater

let's have an adventure

you keep thinking none of this fazes me,
the distance.
the confusion.
the torture of love.

but i'm not as strong-willed as you think i am.
i still run rivers at night.

i imagine sitting here in bed, like i am now,
and i turn to look out the window to see you on the ground, there, waiting for me.
smiling with your snapback and your flannel.
and i jump, throwing everything that was in my lap to the side,
snatching keys, flipping doors open,
running so fast that i almost trip down the stairs.
and as the door automatically lets me through,
i pause,
so i can look at you.
and within seconds, i'm in your arms.
and we're together.

and if i may take your breath away
i don't mind if there's not much to say
sometimes the silence guards your mind
so move to a place far away

the goosebumps start race
the minute that my left hand meets your waist
and then i watched your face

see, that's the difference between you and me.
i'm not picturing a moment with you gone.
that thought replays in my head everyday,
because i believe that it will happen.

like i said before,
being able to kiss you,
hold your hand,
play with your hair,
jump on your back for a piggy-back ride,
wrestle with you,
talk to you,
whisper things to you;
that's what excites me.
that i'm able to, again and again,
be able to do that next time i see you.

that's what keeps me standing.
that's what helps me when i get upset,
or when i miss you.

you are here, stuck in my head,
never leaving, never ceasing,
and i know that's not just because of love.

it's because of friendship.
it's because of standing by,
every day, just there if i ever needed you.
you did that for four years.

i can't thank you enough for that.

it's too cold whoa
for you here
and now
so let me hold whoa
both your hands in the holes of my sweater

it'll all get better.
time is just a necessity.
you'll find your place in coffee central,
and i'll find mine with all the weirdos and Giant's fans.
but what connects us isn't conversation or calls or texts,
it's love.
it's thought.
and it's faith.

so have faith in me, and i'll have faith in you.
and if we do that,
nothing in this world will ever stop us.