Is This Real?

i don't know where to begin.

it doesn't feel like the start.

it feels like it's just been buried for so long,
and now all of a sudden,
it's bubbling to the surface.

i wonder a lot of the time,
if i am in a dream.
that everything that's happening, everything i'm doing or saying,
is all in my mind,
and that the responses,
are only made up memories.

the past pops up in my brain,
things like playing guitar in best buy.

dressing up like mexican gangsters.

throwing snow at one another.

hiking up trails,
and making up silly games.

i never thought i would be here.
that something three years buried,
would be alive and walking,

so present that you could not believe that it only showed up,

today.

i'm still trying to picture how.
when and why, and who first.
but for a second, i stop myself from dissecting,

and just close my eyes and remind myself,
who cares how?
who cares why or when?
all that matters is the now.
and everything else is distant.

i just hope this now lasts.

my head is screaming for caution,
but my instincts know better.
no worrying or heading backward.
i'll just be here,
with you.

with love and light,
eve morgan