Stranger With the Same Name.

at times, when i was young enough to call myself a kid, i would just relax, lie in bed or on a couch, and remove a single blank sheet of paper. i'd take my pencil, and let the hands create what i've already drawn in my mind. when i was done, it wouldn't look exactly the same as the picture plastered in my head, but i'd still be proud with the work.
with the effort thrown into every single stroke of graphite.
when my mind was innocent enough to have sparks flying around in it like fireworks blasting off, i would run outside onto the grass and just pump my legs and be fueled with adrenaline. i'd create my own world. one that was completely out of the box, unorthodox, and with a label reading: my imagination.
my own space that i could call mine; no one would be able to take it from me.

i sit here and try to think of if i ever thought like this recently. i tried to recall the last time i ran outside with my imagination only, or when i didn't need a present thing to draw from.
i can't even remember. it's crazy, because i have the best memory of anyone i know.
it seems to me like i need to reinvent. go back to the person that i used to be; creative, enthusiastic, and unrelenting in my passions.
but i sit here, and voices pop into my head.
"eve, you have work to do."
"you don't have time to goof around."
"that isn't important right now."
"work, eve."
"strive, eve."
"stay strong, eve."

i feel like breaking myself apart and starting all over again from scratch. like i could rewind my videotape, and edit things completely until the video of my life is a new story. reinventing my whole personality; my passions, my struggles, the way i think about things. i just feel like there should be so much change.
that all of these recent things are unimportant. trying to keep up with my new self has the old one fading to the back; i'm not the eve who wears converses up to her knees, not the eve that couldn't wear eyeliner, and who read manga more than anyone.
i'm just a stranger with the same name.

i'm at a personality crisis.
and it's time for a change.

let's reinvent.
so i'm not just a shell anymore.
i'll be the eve i want to be.

"go back to the beginning."

with love and light,
eve morgan