We Are Not Perfect.

sitting up against the fire makes me feel warm.
not like the sun on a hot, humid day,
or the tingly feeling from taking sips of alcohol.
but i feel cozy.
i feel warm.
safe and comforting.

i feel that way with you.
i feel warm when i think about you,
and safe when i remember you holding me in your arms.

i was asked today by someone who has loved me for years,
"Do you really think that way?"
what way?
that i want to feel that same hand trace the outline of mine,
that i want to hear those same whispers in my ears,
years and years to come?

meet me there, bundles of flowers
we wait through the hours of cold
winter shall howl at the walls,
tearing down doors of time

i sit here by that warm fire,
drinking gulps and gulps of earl grey tea.
i don't want to think about the scary parts.
i want to just remember everything that made me confident,
instead of the things that make me scared.

remember when i said, "i have faith in you?"
i still do.
even when we are apart, i still know how you feel.
i remember they way your jaw shook when i held your face in my hands.
that was real.
not fake or embellishment of splitting apart.

when i hear that someone grabbed that arm,
those scary brown eyes full of love and fear pop into my brain,
leaving everything else behind.

promise me this;
you'll wait for me only,
scared of the lonely arms.

surface, far below these words

and maybe, maybe i'll come home

we talked.
i listened while you droned on,
about something i didn't want to hear about.
my heart thumped in the rhythm of every one of your words.
when my mind told me it was nothing,
my heart screamed in defiance.

yet i am still not scared.

because i know who you are.
and who you are not.

even with the stupidity, i am still reeling with feelings,
and thoughts,
about the person i know you to be.

i still have faith in who you are.
and i know He does, too.
so don't fret love, i'm still here.
through the tears and the fears,
i'm still here.

waiting for you to come home.