Party like It's the End of the World.

i don't really know what to say about this year,
besides events and stories and little bits that pop in now and again.
i try to think of one giant moral, some lesson that reoccured throughout these months of two thousand twelve.
i guess the lesson that i've learned this year is to live.
to be happy with the little things and to grow from the big things.

i can easily remember how this year has affected me.
so many things have happened, and sometimes it's weird to think of how much.
because to me, it still feels the same.
day after day, it feels like the same, old life i've been living for eighteen years.

but some things have influenced how i live today than from years before.

this year i...
obtained my first perfect grade point average.
made my friendship with my best friend stronger than it's ever been.
began my first real relationship.
graduated from high school.
witnessed a real protest with cops and arrests and everything.
walked in a giant rioting mob.
fell in love.
moved out of the house i grew up in.
and started my life as a real, full fledged adult.

i just can't believe that so many things have happened in these seemingly short 52 weeks.
it boggles my mind just to think about it.
to think what would happen if one of those large events had never come to pass.
and i know they wouldn't without the people in my life standing by my side.

i know i did this last year, but New Years Eve feels like a holiday to make note of special occasions and the people you care about.

so we'll start with W.
this isn't just a person, but a group of people.
i love them with all of my heart.
i don't think i would be the person i am today without the kindness and support these people have brought me through so many years.
i never felt uncomfortable or afraid or even sad around them.
all there were was smiles and hugs.
i'll never forget what family means because of them.

M.
even though sometimes she is stupid, i can't help but laugh when she makes noises.
or focus all of my attention when she tells me about what's new.
she lives far away from me and we don't talk all that much,
but i still remember how she was there for me when no one else was.
and i could never ever give that up.
she makes mistakes, but that just makes her human.
just like me.

M and D.
i love these people, and have since i couldn't even stand.
they support me through out everything, and even though some people think it's odd,
i tell them about my life.
i let them know how i feel, whether i'm screaming it or crying in a soft whisper.
i would never have survived without their care and concern.

H.
i cannot describe how much i love this girl, and how great of a friend she's been.
i'm away, but she still calls and wonders how i am.
i'm so grateful for this tie.
and i know it will never break.
she's the one i need in times of trouble, and the one i want to vent my shit to.
she's my best friend.
and a part of my family.

S.
it's indescribable, how i feel about this person.
i never noticed how big of a part he was in my life until he kept showing up to see me.
he's taught me so much about adventure, and nature, and history.
i feel like i act like him more and more everyday.
and i'm okay with that.
i've never felt completely safe, and he tries his best to protect me.
i wouldn't ask for a better person to fall for.

all of them, every single one, impacts me in one way or another.
i don't think people change because of random things that happen,
i think they change by the people that influence those things.
that influence your thoughts and your way of thought.

but i can still say that i am, deep in there, the same person that i was last year.
or the years before.
but the difference between those years and now is that i have grown.
i have grown, and i still have room, to become the person i want to and am supposed to be.
and it was because of those people that i have in my heart.

so as this year comes with a close,
with laughs,
with goodbyes,
i'll know that 2012 was not a year to forget.

with love and light,
eve morgan

Unknown.

i'm not quite sure what to talk about today.
what's been going on just seems too generic.
i mean, my posting shouldn't just be what's happening,
like an answer to a "what did you do today?"
or a redundant answer to "how are you".
"good, you?"
"good".

it's the same thing over and over again.
and i don't like to be the same.
or to repeat myself.

the love of my life is coming home today.
that's something to report.
or the fact that finals are in two weeks,
and i still have yet to prepare.

i feel like the climatic scene of this year still hasn't come to pass.
not something that i find myself proud in anyhow.
there have been significant events,
just no accomplishments to go with them.

i mean, yes, finishing the first semester of college seems like an achievement,
some award that i should be given,
saying "yay, you did it!" and i would grin and hold it up in the air,
for everyone to see.

but there should be no trophies for simply doing homework and taking tests.
especially when it didn't seem that difficult.
trophies should be earned, not just tossed to you for being "good".
when i answer the "how are you" question,
i want to give that person an essay of answers.
not just the generic or the mundane.
i do not simply want to be average.

i want to be more than that.
i want to enjoy my life, see the things that most people do not,
follow the rabbit hole into the unknown,
and be able to use less muscles in my face than i have to.
"did you know that you use less muscles to smile than to frown?"

so why does my face like to over-exert itself?

i feel like exploration is the easiest answer to this issue.
people always have the most enjoyment when discovering new things.
gives them a sense of purpose.
something that states, "hey, this is why you're here."

i don't know where i wanna go.
i don't know what i want to do.
i'm not even sure why i'm here.

but the only way to figure out those questions.
is to step out,
and follow something unfamiliar.
to take a step,
into the unknown.