Jane & Alexander.

a couple weeks ago, i had to walk home.
i took the trail, wearing my flannel, and snapped my headphones in.
even with the bad day,
the stress and the annoyances of early on,
i still took the road, step by step in vans,
calming myself with the voice of israel nebeker,
and the wind blowing through the trees.

alabama, arkansas
i do love my ma and pa,
but not the way that i do love you

hold moley, me o my
you're the apple of my eye
girl, i've never loved one like you

i thought a lot on that walk alone.
what's been going on,
what i have to do, and who will reap the rewards,
and who will suffer with the consequences.
i thought about who was in my life.
and how i would do anything to keep some of them,
while i would simply let others slip away.

i tried to calm my mind from whirling thoughts,
as i watched the whirlwinds with the leaves.
i checked my surrounding and felt detached.
i didn't feel my feet moving on the earth,
and i just watched and listened,
without so much as a sound from my lips.

man oh man, you're my best friend
i'll scream it to the nothingness
there ain't nothin' that i need

well, hot and heavy, pumpkin pie
chocolate candy, jesus christ
there ain't nothing please me more than you

my life is changing.
faster and crazier than i could have anticipated.
i'm not sure whether i can track back,
and think to how i got here.

i've never thought that change could just be held within one.
one person.
or thing,
or day.
i just thought that it was a never ending cycle,
that just popped up again and again.
i never knew change would barrel through just one,
and take my world over,
creating something completely different.

we laugh until we think we die
barefoot on a summer night
nothin' new is sweeter than with you

and in the streets we're running free
like it's only you and me
geez, you're something to see

so when i finally made my way down that trail,
down that road,
i made up my mind.
i made it up to follow what i knew,
to trust what i was afraid to trust,
and to leave what i knew would break me.

i opened the gate and it did not budge.
so i went around the corner,
with my mind still pulling loops and my legs aching,
i went to the red door.
and pulled.

ahh, home
let me come home
home is wherever i'm with you

ahh, home
yes, i am home
home is when i'm alone with you

with love and light,
eve morgan

Valkyrie.

i would describe myself as a realist.
or a perfectionist, in some sorts.
maybe even sometimes a dork,
but never a romantic.

now when my eyes open i don't dread the day.
i still take a moment to wonder,
wonder why dark hair is pictured into my mind,
and a smile that crosses those lips.

i blink, and the image leaves.
but pops up again nearly five seconds later.
and continues to do so,
until my eyes are closed for longer time.

can you hear me, i can hear you
i got you, i can hear you over
i really feel strange
i wanna wish for something new
this is the scariest thing i've done in my life
who do we think we are?

i can't believe how new,
yet how old this is.
hands touching hands,
feeling the warmth,
overtake the cold.
the white of the grin,
vanquishing the darkness.

i easily remember the trip back.
listening to bo burnham,
and just staring out the window.
then i felt so comfortable,
safe,
and just happy.

everyone, everyone will listen,
even if it hurts sometimes
if you will, come and hear the message
everyone wants to learn to love again.
open up and come alive.
and if you will; can you hear my message?

let me tell you,
i'm scared as hell.
a part of me just wants to hide under the bed again,
clutching onto a teddybear,
screaming at life to leave me alone.

but life swoops in,
takes you in it's arms,
and carries you over.

and do you think that you have it in you?
if you're here and you're all alone tonight
then i'll give you a free ride
take a chance cause i know you want to

my heart jumps,
listening to the sweet sounds of melodies,
played by your beautiful hands.
i just watch in admiration,
of just the light,
and the glory that radiates.

i'm not sure if i can compare.
but i won't fret,
because insecurity and complications..
haven't happened yet.

if you'll only just hold on, just hold on
i'm here and i'm with you
i'm here too, i feel you
we'll get thought, i know this, i've seen it

a hundred times, a thousand times
just one more time
with you and i, i'll pull you close
and then we'll say goodbye

"that awkward moment when the one you've thought about a thousand times suddenly becomes real out of nowhere."

it's not awkward.
it's just truth,
because i didn't think it'd be barreling this quickly,
taking me under,
and leaving me with this feeling.
a feeling of safety,
and of ease.

you don't know how long i've waited for that.

with love and light,
eve morgan

Is This Real?

i don't know where to begin.

it doesn't feel like the start.

it feels like it's just been buried for so long,
and now all of a sudden,
it's bubbling to the surface.

i wonder a lot of the time,
if i am in a dream.
that everything that's happening, everything i'm doing or saying,
is all in my mind,
and that the responses,
are only made up memories.

the past pops up in my brain,
things like playing guitar in best buy.

dressing up like mexican gangsters.

throwing snow at one another.

hiking up trails,
and making up silly games.

i never thought i would be here.
that something three years buried,
would be alive and walking,

so present that you could not believe that it only showed up,

today.

i'm still trying to picture how.
when and why, and who first.
but for a second, i stop myself from dissecting,

and just close my eyes and remind myself,
who cares how?
who cares why or when?
all that matters is the now.
and everything else is distant.

i just hope this now lasts.

my head is screaming for caution,
but my instincts know better.
no worrying or heading backward.
i'll just be here,
with you.

with love and light,
eve morgan

Help Me, To Help You.

exhaustion would be a great way to describe how my body is feeling right now.
or how my mind is feeling.
i find myself at quite a different place than last year;
and i'm not sure whether i should reward myself,
or wait until i'm at full potential.

A miracle is nothing more than postponed,
arriving to compensate those it had cruelly abandoned.

i'm afraid to try

i was asked today, while holding a red bull and a thermos of coffee,
why is it that i have those energy boosters in my hands,
when i could just have nothing,
and accept the rest i need.

i found myself quoting, and i told her:
"sleep is not a necessity, it's only achievable after the work is done.
and i have too much work to do."
i found myself shocked as those words slipped from my lips.
because before, i had just forced myself to think that way.
i never expected myself to actually believe those words,
to work so much and yet,
never be satisfied.

we're afraid of failure, and afraid of success.
we are afraid of being loved, and afraid of being alone.
the world is full of pain, and this is scary.
and the world is crazy beautiful, and that is daunting, too.
worst of all,
so little is under our control

fear controls a lot of things.
but i can't bear the thought of it telling me what to do,
how to think and how to act.
but i'd find procrastination to be my biggest adversary.
yet, sometimes i'm happy to find it,
because then i have something else to conquer,
another conquest to be made.

she rather felt tired herself.
tired of the waiting, and the misunderstanding;
tired for what's lost, and what's never held in the first place.

i'm in a large debate.
a debate on whether this exhaustion is worth my time.
whether the effort is worth my long nights,
my lack of sleep,
and my viewpoint on the things around me.

i wonder if i'll be like the man,
breaking his back for the rest, and never stopping.
working until eventually,
the pieces of himself that he broke won't be fixable.
and i'll just shatter, like him, like glass.

or will i be the woman,
that cleans and cares and suffers, never thinking of herself.
watching the others fly past her,
while she can only take one step.

maybe i'll be neither.
or a little of both.
there's a point in life where you must look around,
see everything and think:
is this the life you really want?
yet all i can seem to think,
is how much more i can do.
how much better i can be.

i am a bundle of wants and works,
in a tiny bottle of needs.
i desperately want to free myself, so i could do everything,
but like a genie, i am stuck,
with only some things to tide me over.

i don't have all the answers.
sometimes i just like to act as if i do.

"good enough" aren't words i like to use.
striving is something that can be so simple.
that's the way my eyes see now.
i never thought i'd be here.
that i'd be at this place,
this place of work, this place of struggle,
the place of sacrifice,
and this place of solace.

when i got there i loathed every minute of travel.
but now, without wavering,
i never want to leave.

i'm stuck like glue.
but unlike others,
i'll never stop holding on.

with love and light,
eve morgan