"The End of An Era."

i'm supposed to be doing homework right now.
finishing a class, to be quite specific.
but with everything, i feel like i owe it to myself to write.
to tell it how it is.

i've wasted a lot of time.
a lot of energy and and a lot of effort.
i try really hard to convince myself that there was a point to all this.
but yet somehow i still don't understand.

i've been a busy bee lately.
with a lot of different things, that none of which put a grin on my face.
none of what i'm accomplishing has really "helped" me.
except for the running.
but sometimes it's like running to nowhere.
"never run to emptiness, but slowly walk towards the world."
i've love to see the world.
for everything and anything.

things are traveling by, but they are only stopping to see the sights.
never really experiencing the place for all of it's glory.
all of it's splendors.
all of it's folly.

i guess the term "you never know what you've got until it's gone" really applies here.
i have someone who is like family.
my older sister.
who will not be calling in the middle of the night to see me.
not because she won't want to.
or that i won't jump at the chance to.
it's one of those times where i wish i had superpowers.
that i could be strong enough to save everyone, and keep them here to revel with me.
revel in all that is good.

but i have to sacrifice.
and that's okay, i understand it.
doesn't mean i want to.

the film of my life plays over and over again, until it bursts into flames.
replaying and never ending until there is nothing left to watch.
to see.
i have albums and albums of mental photographs pasted on the wall of what i call my mind.
stuck there like glue.
never giving way.

there are many, and yet i can only spot a couple.
my favorites.
the hills.
sitting on benches.
walking down the streets of san francisco.
seeing an old van in the senior parking lot.
only able to catch glimpses of DL and DA.
the edge of camille.

"you only live once."
"memories last a lifetime."
this is true. all of it.
but i just can't seem to remove this one:

"collect moments // not things."

trust me, i have.
and i'll never stop.
i'll clutch them so tight.
and even when it's over....

i'll never let go.

with love and light,
eve morgan