Hello.

yesterday a girl at my school went missing. a girl who i did not know, someone who i saw walking down the halls everyday, and i didn't say hello.

when i saw the pictures that read "missing girl" and the descriptions and pictures of this person, it was like a slap in the face. because i had seen her almost every day this year, sitting in a chair, inside my art class. i was horrified. i had actually known who this girl was, i had viewed and complemented her artistic talent.
 
i know this girl.
 
i was surprised to hear that there was a suicide note left in her bedroom, and that the next morning her bicycle was found near the famous golden gate. i did not hesitate to join the many groups on facebook, and to give out as much information as i could. but how much could i really know? she was just a stranger to me. a person i passed by everyday, and whom i saw drawing outside under the lovely shade of a small pine.
 
this girl was talented. her art was extraordinary, and i appreciated every intricate detail.

i didn't know every intricate detail about her. i wondered, what if i had said hi one day? what if i actually went up to her, and told her how marvelous and glorious her art was?
would we have been friends, i tell myself. then a sense of guilt washes over me, and i hope and pray for her safety.
 
i barely know the girl. but no one should go without support when they are troubled.
this girl is a gift, made and molded by god. she is a divine person, one who is appreciated, one who is favored, one who is loved.
 
i ask myself, why do people feel the need to end it, when they know that they are just getting started? rewards come from oppression, and love comes from resilience.
all i hope for now is her safety. i wish for that with everything i have because i know: god isn't done with her yet.
 
i know that if she is safe, and if she comes home, the next time i see her i won't just walk by.
 
ill say "hello".

with love and light,
eve morgan

When I Was Young.

i went to a poetry slam last night. there were a bunch of students whom i knew and befriended, and some i had never laid eyes on before. they all stood up with strength, stating and expressing their story to a group of strangers: judging them, grading them on what they felt. i felt a sense of pride and wonder, surprised that every one of them had the guts to spill out their innards, revealing their deep, dark strife.

this inspired me. right then, listening to those beautiful words, hearing all of the emotion conquering the room: i wanted to write slam poetry.

so here it is, my slam poem.

when i was young, i was innocent. spending my days laughing without care, without worry, without problems or consequences. when i was young i made friends just because i wanted someone to play with.

when i was young i didn't judge people by the way they looked, or how they dressed, or what other friends they put themselves beside.

when i was young, i trusted people. i had faith that everyone was friendly, sweet, caring. i did not understand that the friends i made then would be the strangers i knew now. when i was young i didn't think of the bad things. i would run and skip and play and just live in my world, unaware and unknown to the life around me.

when i was young, i didn't understand. i didn't get why the friend i had known and loved had taken part of me and left. i didn't realize that my kindness was taken for granted, used just for some respect. i didn't know that someone i live with, whose DNA lies in my veins, wasn't mean to me just because.

when i was young, i was naive. i took things for granted, and had the gall to think that my life would be perfect, just like pretend, just like a fantasy. 

thoughts of these hit me hard when things didn't go smoothly and the rewards weren't mine. i was confused and angry, feeling as if life wasn't handing me the right situations, terrified because it wasn't giving me answers.

responsibility sunk in, the hope was replaced, and the joy i felt was completely erased. when i was young, i was protected, swallowed down and sheltered from the violence and horror of the crime and injustices that the world brings.

when i was young, life was easy. when i was young, everything smelled sweet, and there were so many colors.

when i was young, i had victories.

now that i know that i can be pushed down and thrown around, i have to create my own safety.

when i was young, i didn't know of battles, just of what felt savory.

but it feels so much better now. how?

i have bravery.

with love and light,
eve morgan

Here Goes Nothin'.

i'm starting a blog. i don't really understand why i feel the need to post my thoughts for everyone to read. something inside just wants to document what happens as time passes.

today is a monday. it seems like a drag, a horrible day where you have to trudge back to school, carrying that heavy waste of homework and notes on your back; tortured by lectures, teachers, just wishing to travel back to the weekend.

my mondays aren't too bad. usually i occupy my time sleeping through droning classes, and traveling to my youth group every week. that's what happens on my mondays. very simple and easy.

when i'm not sleeping, i daydream. i sit in those confining desks, with my palm on my chin and my eyes drifting. i think about a lot of things. family, boys, things that i wish i did a couple days beyond, and so forth.

i start to remember the days before and i reminisce, happily tired from my accomplishments.

friday night: hiking with my best friend haleigh fleming. we walked down and up a mountain side, not stopping until we reached the top, and watching the sky until it turned dark. it's so calming, surrounding yourself in nature and appreciating the beauty of the world. oh, and getting in shape is also a bonus. i was actually shocked by my endurance, most of the hikes i've been in have me panting, wheezing, begging the others to rest about every five minutes. 

what was perplexing to me was all the energy that burst out, carrying me and my legs up a mountain. i was completely exhausted afterwards, but let me tell you, it was invigorating.

saturday: well, this day was interesting. i spent most of my morning tearing down part of my house, an overhang in the patio outside. i looked ridiculous, wearing aviators and pajamas, holding a crow bar and pounding the wood into splinters. it felt satisfying, being able to destroy without hurting anyone of anything: like i was destroying for good.

so it came down, and as i went back inside, so much light filled the house, brightening the already cheerful yellow of my family kitchen.

the rest of my afternoon was a little stressful. i spent around two hours driving down the freeway in the opposite direction of where i was supposed to go. i made it almost all the way to san jose. realizing where i was, i turned, and went right back to where i started.

i finally made my way to that birthday party down in san leandro. a friend of mine had just turned sixteen, i had to show up to send her some birthday wishes. some partying aside, i made my way home (a lot quicker going back) and got ready for yet another event of the day.

my friend kristen and i walked down to a little park near my house, attending an event called jamming for justice: mostly just a bunch of kids singing and playing guitars while others lied in the grass and listened. it was quite relaxing, hearing the plucking of strings and feeling the way the grass tickled my bare feet. it was as if all the stress and pressure was washed away with the music.

and that brings me to sunday. sunday was very quick. most of it was me at a register, taking peoples orders and charging them for their crafts or art projects. work isn't too enjoyable, standing at the front of the store, without chairs, and with only two breaks in the seven hour shift. i was excited to stay but not too excited to leave because there was a lovely research paper that i had to complete.

for a while i just watched the clock tick by, sighing to myself, awaiting more work at home.

then my phone buzzed. my friend had asked if id like to join him and others to another event. i jumped at the chance, joyous that i would have some fun on my laboring sunday. i had said yes, of course, and a couple hours later, a car pulled up and i stepped in.

the event felt too fast, but it was rather enjoyable. i got to see and laugh at things like a jedi richard simmons, a fight with different gendered jeffrey's, and a mysterious wolf hunter searching for the chosen one. improv is definitely an adventure, new and random every time you step into play.

when the clock struck eight, the event had come to an end, quicker than i wanted or expected. that paper was waiting, and i knew that i wouldn't get too much sleep.

the moon rose high when i finished that insane assignment, and even so, sleep did not take me for at least a few more hours.

finally near the new day, bedtime stories were exchanged and sleep overcame.

that's when monday started.

so it brings me back here. to where i'm writing to you my first and hopefully not the last blog post.

so here goes nothing. here is the beginning, the road of the written word.
i hope you enjoy. so fasten your seatbelts, it's gonna be a bumpy ride. 

with love and light,

eve morgan