With Eyes All Over.

when i was a little girl, i had an assignment.
it was crucial and important.
"what do i want to be when i grow up?"

the answer everyone expected was along the lines of "princess of "fairy" or "astronaut";

something trivial and silly, just like how young children are.
but my response wasn't any one of those things.
"i just want to be loved."

isn't that why we act like we do?
why we strive and work our asses off to get where we are?
we twist and turn in the mangled webs of society, stuck with plastered fake expressions and false identities; used so we can be liked, so that we can be appreciated;
so that we can be loved.

but that's a little out of reach when the people meant to like you for who you are judge you and inspect everything you do as if you were some experiment; like they are just waiting for you to become the defect;
the failure.
it doesn't matter that your grades are perfect, because you're branded as nerd or geek.
it doesn't matter that you're intelligent because you're tortured and ridiculed for spending your nights studying instead of doing what the "cool kids' do.
it's all about surface area.
you're judged by every scrupulous detail, every figment or fiber; and it shoves you deeper and deeper into the dark place you're beginning to call home.

when they look at you, they don't see how you work forty hours a week just to pay for groceries; they just notice the dirty "rags" you wear.
when they look at you, they don't see the scars and the bruises hidden under your sleeves, they only observe the loser alone at lunch.
when they glance, they don't see the rivers that have ran down your face countless times, just the plastic doll smiles you're used to faking.

when someone looks in your direction, don't think of it as calm or comforting.
think of it as an "audition".
"you always have to look your best,"
is what my mother would say.
well, mom, i hate to agree....
so i won't.

i won't just be some piece of material used for your conformist clothing.
i won't walk around fearful, like a cowered animal, hiding from the hunter.
i won't use my words like weapons, like the poison that drips from your mouth.
i won't be some thing that you can laugh about, like i am some joke or saying used over and over again until it's meaningless.
i am not meaningless.
i am not your play thing.
i am not an excuse to talk trash.
and i am not your bitch.

don't pretend to know me,
because you don't.
but i know you.
and i am so, so sorry.

with love and light,
eve morgan

I Am Not A Poet.

i am not a poet.
i'm just someone who has a desire for letters and a fixation on the written words, and how the jumbles can fit into grandeur's of exhilaration, and be molded into beauty that has long been forgotten.
i am not a poet.
i do not lay away at nights, thinking of how my sentences should rhyme, and wondering what context or format in which my stories shall be written.
i am not a poet.
for i do not stress, i do not cower into my words, instead of pushing past with my fists. i do not worry or crease my face like crumpled ideas thrown into the trash only to be fished out, like a tug and pull. i do not go into deep thought about the horrible homecomings of lost men, of shallow souls returning after they've already been put to rest.
i am not a poet.
i don't sigh at heartbreaking love that sends me into a crescendo, or feel my body almost shatter when my ears meet the sweet sounds of suffering and of notes blowing away into the wind.


you see i am not someone that never cries or opens their heart.
i am not someone that walks away from a war that has long needed an end.
i am not someone who does not wish the best onto another, even if that other has done irreparable damage.
i am not someone that wishes to see frowns and tears and shudders instead of the grins, the laughter and the joy.
i am not someone who turns their back when times get tough, or when situations are thrust upon thee, almost too difficult to uphold.
i am not someone who judges based on lies, based on harm, or based on surface.

so don't you dare judge me.

don't you judge me;
for not using my words like weapons, but instead of a sheath, my mouth is a vessel for ardor, for fervor, and for a fire too wild for control; yet warm enough to melt the ice.
don't you judge me;
for making my laughs higher, my walks louder, and my presence stronger, because if otherwise, i would not be able to take one step.
don't you judge me;
for not wavering or drawing back, like a cowered animal, so full of fear that they might be shot.
don't you judge me;
for standing by the people i love, and for supporting them through their most idiotic actions and their most heart wrenching cries of need.

i'm not afraid to tell the truth.
i'm not afraid to end my work midway.
i'm not afraid to embarrass myself in front of a crowd.
i'm not afraid to take a rest.
i'm not afraid to let myself go, with all the blood, sweat, and tears.
i am not afraid.

i am not a poet.
i am just a girl that can't sleep.

with love and light,
eve morgan

It All Begins With One.

the sun goes down 
the stars come out
and all that counts
is here and now
my universe will never be the same
i'm glad you came

there is a time;

when you just sit back and wonder why you are here.
why you were created,
and what your purpose is.

i have a little story to tell.
i once had a friend that didn't believe she had a life.
it did not last long, her sadness and her wonder,
of why she was put on this earth.

one day i asked her:
"why do you think you're here?"
and she just sobbed, shook her head, and buried her face in her hands.
"I don't know," she whispered.
but i did.
she then went on to tell me that she hasn't done anything important, when everything around her swirls about in motion and she is stuck in the earth without so much as a shake.
she didn't believe that she could make a change; or that she had.
that she even made an impact, or even a dent in anything.

that was the first time i saw someone i cared about believe in such a twisted, convoluted lie.

why do i know it's a lie?
she changed me.

imagine no possessions
imagine if you can
no need for greed and hunger
a brotherhood of man
imagine all the people sharing all the world

i told her that she had a life.
i told her that she makes a difference.
i told her, that with just one person,
there's enough power to change the world.

when i first said these words, i hardly believed the bullshit i told my dear friend.
but now, i'm glad those words left my lips, always there.
because to me now, it is not bullshit.
it is real.
this is real.
life:
is real.

imagine there's no heaven
it's easy if you try
no hell below us
above us only sky
imagine all the people living for today

imagine there's no countries
it isn't hard to do
nothing to kill or die for
and no religion too
imagine all the people living in life for peace

i'm so tired of all the fighting.
of all the heartbreak and regret.
it's time to do something.
it's time to step out of the comfort zone,
out of the four walls you call your home,
and make the difference you never thought you could.

"It All Begins With One."

there are so many horrible things in the world,
and no one believes it's their job to solve it.
to put a stop to it.
what disappoints me isn't the lack of passion,
or knowledge, or determination.
it's the lack of confidence.
the lack of truth,
the lack of love;
that no one loves themselves enough to believe.
to strive into the goodness of themselves,
and just break it out, to make that change and that mark that they were meant to.

so don't think that you are just a blip on the map.
that you are just an ant in a giant ant farm.
because yes, you are just one,
but you are the one.
you just have to learn;
to believe it.

you may say
i'm a dreamer, but i'm not the only one
i hope someday you'll join us
and the world will be as one

the sun goes down
the stars come out
and all that counts
is here and now
the universe will never be the same
i'm glad you came
i'm glad you came

with love and light,
eve morgan